$PAMTON $WEEPSTAKES - Spamton Value Network
by Radio TV Solutions & Fangamer
Official Unofficial Script
The video begins with a screen imitating a VHS introduction to a late night infomercial in the 1990s. A standard VHS resolution and video quality effect will be retained throughout the video. The text on the blue background is as follows, from top to bottom:
In black, on a yellow box:
CH 2 COMMUNITY VIDEOTEXT
In white, no background:
TELEVISION SIGNAL STABLE
In green, on a white banner with green borders:
SUN SEPT 18, 1997 TIME 03:23AM
In large white text:
~ COMING UP NEXT ~
“SPAMTON VALUE NETWORK SWEEPSTAKES”
In small white text:
**FIRST 20 VIEWERS TUNE IN “FREE”!!**
SIGN UP & #$#% OFF - THAT’S OUR MOTTO
In small white text, on a red box:
A MAJOR SNOW WARNING HAS BEEN
ISSUED FOR SOUTHERN COUNTIES
VIEWERS ARE FOREWARNED ‘PLEASE VALUE RESPONSIBLY’!
This screen is shown for 10 seconds before cutting to a different screen. The logo for the Spamton Value Network is seen in the center; it features the letters “SVN” in a navy-blue-to-gray gradient on each letter. Below are the words “THE SPAMTON VALUE NETWORK” in a softer sunset gradient. The background is an angled, repeating pattern of the gradient letters of the SVN logo, albeit darker and less visible, all on a black background. In the top left, a dark blue banner is seen with the following yellow text:
FIRE HOT SWEEPSTAKES
STARTING SOON
A smooth jazz song can be heard playing as well. Stay on this screen for 8 seconds before fading into a similar screen. The gradient letters are visible again, without the text below it. Instead, new yellow text can be seen:
THE “SPAMTON VALUE NETWORK”
SPECIAL SWEEPSTAKES SHALL BEGIN
MOMENTARILY...
Below this text is a purple gradient banner with the following yellow text:
IN THE MEANTIME GET YOUR HEART READY!
Other than that, the background and top left banner remain the same. After 5 seconds, a decrease in video quality is noticeable. After 5 more seconds, another similar screen fades in. Once again, the top left banner and background are the same, but the gradient letters have been removed, as well as the text mentioned above. In its place is a photorealistic pipis (a blue & shiny egg-shaped object), with the below white text:
TODAY’S FLASH DEAL
Below that, in blue:
OUR BOYS IN BLUE
0 or 100 Kromer - HATCHES IN SECONDS!
In the bottom right corner, the gradient letters can be seen. (This is retained throughout the video, except during commercial segments.) This screen is shown for about 11 seconds before a sudden cut to a peculiar scene, with no music. A man who resembles the character Spamton G. Spamton from DELTARUNE is seen leaning casually on a podium with a telephone on it. He has a pale white face with cartoony red cheeks painted on his face next to the sides of his mouth. He is wearing glasses tinted to match Spamton’s own glasses (pink and yellow), with his eyes visible. His nose is long, much like Spamton’s. He has black hair, but he is noticeably balding. His body is all white in what appears to be a full bodysuit, including white gloves. Over his white body is a black suit that is unbuttoned. This Spamton look alike is in a room with brick walls, and a lowly placed window to a clear blue sky behind him. There are also two framed photos; on the left there is a large photo depicting a herd of sheep, most of it offscreen; on the right is a much smaller photo featuring what may be a foggy mountainscape. The man resembling Spamton looks around with a slight smile on his face, making casual hand gestures.
MAN RESEMBLING SPAMTON
H-
The scene cuts back to the “OUR BOYS IN BLUE” screen that it originally interrupted, and the jazz music continues. After 4 seconds, the screen fades to remove the pipis and its text and replace it with the SVN logo. After 6 seconds, yellow text appears below:
ALL POTENTIAL WINNERS ARE
SUBJECT TO VERIFICATION
This screen is visible for 5 seconds, then there is a sudden cut to the man resembling Spamton again, with static and a decrease in video quality. Once again, he is at the podium, and he is seen from below looking up. He is behind a brick background again, but with no other features. It appears that the man (and his podium) is not actually three-dimensional, but instead a two-dimensional image in a three-dimensional environment (the brick location). He speaks toward the camera.
MAN RESEMBLING SPAMTON
—the prizes!
The camera quality is suddenly improved and the static is removed. A closeup camera angle is shown of the Spamton look alike, looking directly at him again. The lighting is noticeably darker. He does an exaggerated breathing motion.
MAN RESEMBLING SPAMTON
(exhales) The pr-
He stops himself, closing his eyes and nodding. A few more details can be noticed about him; he is not actually balding, and is instead wearing a bald cap. He has some facial hair (painted over with white face paint), and is somewhat overweight. He opens his eyes, and closes them again, continuing to nod. Then a different camera angle is shown, fairly zoomed out from the Spamton look alike’s face. The lighting improves, and behind him is the sheep photo mentioned earlier. He slaps the sides of his podium with his hands, then lifts them.
MAN RESEMBLING SPAMTON
Pri-
A sudden cut back to the previous pre-interruption screen, and the jazz music resumes again. After 7 seconds, there is a fade from this screen to a blue sky with many clouds. Another 7 seconds, and the clouds disappear and the camera zooms out and moves backward from a window to the main stage of the Spamton Sweepstakes. More details of the area where the man resembling Spamton was seen before can be observed now; there is a wooden floor, and a third photo can be seen on the left of the central sheep photo. It depicts a dock on a lake at sunset. The camera adjusts to see the podium in full view. The jazz music fades out. There is a long pause, then a cut to a closeup to the vacant podium. Another long pause, cut back to the full view. Another long pause, cut back to the closeup. Another long pause, cut back to the full view, but this time, the Spamton man emerges from behind the podium and stretches out his arms, accompanied by a single loop of the track “HEY EVERY !!” from the DELTARUNE Chapter 2 Soundtrack.
MAN RESEMBLING SPAMTON
Hey any! (points to self) It’s me! Spamton, A, Spamton! Spamton! A! Spamton! Here, at, the one, the only, the Spamton Value Network!
Cut to an angled shot of the SVN logo seen before, but the gradient letters are encased in a blue outline of a gray dumpster. It is on a brick wall near a corner, with a bright light illuminating it. (This shot returns numerous times later in the video, and will be referred to as the “logo shot” from now on.) There are claps for 2 seconds, then they stop. Cut back to Spamton A. Spamton at his podium.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Welcome one, welcome all! Who wants a prize? ...No. Who wants a wild prize?! (pointing to the audience) You want a prize! You want a prize! You, you, you, you! Anyone can get a prize at the Spamton Value Network! But first, the National Spamton!
Spamton gets in position to salute the National Spamton, putting his right hand on his chest. There is a sudden decrease in video quality accompanied by brief static. The National Spamton begins (a compressed band version of the Happy Birthday song), and there is a camera cut to the National Spamton flag. It is completely stiff and at the bottom of a flagpole, with a light illuminating it. The flag is neon green, with a purple text reading “SPAMTON” on the top and a direct sprite rip of Spamton G. Spamton from DELTARUNE on the bottom. As the National Spamton goes on, there are repeated cuts to closeups and full shots of Spamton and then back to the National Spamton flag. Spamton sheds a tear once. After some time, the flag begins to be raised (maintaining its stiffness), but the song ends before the flag makes it to the top. Cut back to Spamton in regular quality.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(clapping) God bless Spamton. And now-
Sudden cut back to the flag being raised as the National Spamton restarts. Spamton resumes his salute. More back and forth shots between Spamton and the flag for some time, and then suddenly the National Spamton stops mid-song. In a closeup shot, Spamton looks around in confusion, and stops his salute.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
G-
Quick cut back to the flag being raised for a second. A very fast opening to the National Spamton plays. The flag almost makes it to the top. Cut back to Spamton, who continues to speak.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
And now, an excerpt, from Ode to Spamton.
Another decrease in video quality with brief static, as Spamton inhales and exhales in preparation to recite to excerpt. A compressed piano song plays, and yellow subtitles are shown on the bottom of the screen as Spamton recites the excerpt. For accuracy, subtitle errors are underlined, missing words that are actually said are in parentheses, and camera actions are in brackets:
[Closeup]
HE SHOWERS OUR SOULS WITH INCREDIBLE DEALS
AND WITH HEARTY PIPIS, OUR HEART HE SO STEALS
NO FOOL WOULD BE GREATER
THAN HE WHO DENIS (denies)
THAT SPAMTON GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO EARN
WILD PRIZE
[Full Shot]
NOT A CIRCUS CLOWN, WHO’S MORE SICK
THAN HE FUNNY
A LOVEABLE SALESMAN, WHO GIVE ME FREE MONEY
YOU MAY ASK, WHO IS NEXT?
YOU MAY ASK, WHO WILL BE?
[Camera moves upward, looking down at Spamton]
WHO WILL BE (The) SECRET BOSS OF ADVENTURE NO 3?
ME DONT KNOWS. AND ME DONT CARES!
ME ONLY CARE ABOUT SPANETOM (Spamton)
[Gradual zoom in]
THE REST CAN GO UP IN THE AIRS!!
[Gradual zoom out]
PLEASE PAY 4.99 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PL (Please pay 4.99 to continue the poem.)
Cut to the logo shot with jazz music for some time, before fading to black for a commercial break.
A message from “WEGOT2KNO | INFOLINE 8149” (indicated by big bold gray gradient text above this screen) is shown. In the screen’s center left is the question, “DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN?” as well as two numbers to call in a gray gradient box: “YES 1-900-901-ITSADEAL” and “NO 1-900-902-NODEAL.” The man in question, seen on the center right, is a dark image of a Fangamer Spamton plush sitting there, menacingly, on a toilet in a bathroom stall. Below this is a red banner with the white text, “EACH CALL COSTS $50 - State Your Case & #$%@ OFF!” This shows for 20 seconds with some mysterious music, before the screen and music fade out into black.
The logo shot fades in with jazz music for some time, then cuts back to Spamton leaning on the podium in a similar casual manner as to when we first saw him. He is in the area with the photos on the walls mentioned previously. The camera quality is regular again.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Who’s ready, for a wild, wild, wild prize? (standing up) Spamton’s wild prizes, are ready to be, gi-
Absurdly low camera angle looking up (to depict Spamton as a 2D image in a 3D environment), as Spamton looks to his left and a distorted version of the National Spamton plays for a bit. Spamton sharply looks back towards the camera, and the camera returns to its original position.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Spamton’s wild prize... is here. Spamton, it’s Spamton time. Who Wants A Prize? We’re giving them away. If you entered the Spamton (gradual zoom in, Spamton does radical awesome hand movements) Super Sweepstakes, you could win a WILD PRIZE all of your own! And tonight, [closeup shot] we’re here to tell you all about those prizes, and all about their value. (pause) So... let's see some prizes! Prize number one...
Varying camera angles, shots, and zooms as Spamton looks down at (presumably) a paper on his podium. He shuffles a bit.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
The’s pipis...
More shuffling, different camera shots.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
We’ll do that one more time. Everybody, at home. [full shot, camera zooming in] These chewed up Spamton wrappers... (chuckling) Not what they are...
Closeup shot, more shuffling.
OFFSCREEN VOICE
(faintly) Go with- go with that shit, go with that shit.
Some sniffling, then back to the full shot. Spamton does a weird forward hand movement in 3 directions. Cut back to closeup shot, where Spamton moves into a position where he kneels slightly and stretches his arms outward into his right. He looks at the camera suddenly.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
SPAMPOSE.
Yellow text reading “SPAMPOSE” is seen as Spamton says this. He resumes his regular position. A Spamton sprite head appears on screen with static and low camera quality.
UNKNOWN VOICE
Spamton!
Camera quality returns to normal, and the Spamton head disappears. The first prize block begins. The segment showing off the prizes of the Spamton Sweepstakes has a structure similar to most infomercials: the prize is shown in the top right on a rotating podium (in an area with the SVN logo on a brick background, and several pieces of black furniture), taking up a majority of the screen. On the top left are listed details about the prize on a blue box, and on the bottom left is the prize’s serial number, the name of the prize, its suggested retail, and a note. On the bottom is some scroll text in a blue banner with red borders, with the yellow text “CALL NOW” on the left side of the banner. This banner displays the following text as the prize block continues:
WATS UP [Gammers] AND [Gamboys] !! WE HAVE A SPECIL [Interactive] FREE [Fps Aim Training] COARSE FOR YOU TODAY, WHEN YOU SEE [Sucbscribe] [Click now]!!!
SPAMTON HOT LINE 24 / 7 :: JUST CALL ANY NUMBER WE'LL PICK UP! REAL CONNECTED, REAL GOOD, THAT'S OUR GUARANTTEE!
LIVE COMMENTS FROM OUR !! :: " " THERE ARE NO COMMENTS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHERE IS EVERYONE?
The track “Hotel” from the UNDERTALE Soundtrack can be heard in the background.
The details of each prize will be in this order: 1. Spamton A. Spamton’s verbal description of the prize, 2. a visual description of the prize itself, 3. the top left listed details about the prize, and 4. the bottom left descriptions of the prize. Begin with:
1. "First up we got Fangamer gift cards! Give the gift of 'fan' to your favorite 'gamer' with these card! You'll be begging to call them Fungamer after you swipe these little guys in your favorite slot! Up to $50 value, free!"
2. The prize is a stack of gift cards for the online website store Fangamer. They feature the Fangamer logo in white text on a light green background.
3. "Swipe it!!!"
- Gift of "Fan"
- For "Gamer"
- Use it please
- It card
- Swipe it, type it, whatever!
- May feel weird
4. S 98928
“FANGAMER” GIFT CARDS
Sugg. Retail: Gift
NOTE: What's a "GAMER"?
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Shirtwear! No shirt, no spam ton, no service. This product fixes all 3 problems in one itchy little bundle! With Spam Ton's lovely smile on your torso, you'll soon forget which is your real face."
2. The 5 DELTARUNE shirts are ones that can be bought on the Fangamer website. These ones are unique in that they feature custom embroidered heads of Spamton covering the faces of the characters featured on the shirts.
3. "LOVELY SMILE"
- No shirt
- No spam ton
- No service
- No hope
- No love
- No certainty
- Its Awesome !
4. S 98588
SHIRTWEAR 1.04s SPAMTON UPDATE PATCH
Sugg. Retail: On You
NOTE: Looks cool or weird
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Spamton's Old Socks! (long pause) Spamton's Old So-"
2. These are a pair of socks that have been customized to resemble Spamton. Each sock has his pink and yellow-tinted glasses glued on, separating the upper black section from the lower white section of the sock. There are also red cheeks on the socks near the glasses.
3. "FINELY AGED"
- Lose the shoes
- Gain the smell
- Aged & heavily used
- French fragrance
- Possible intoxicant
- May modify cell structure
4. S 92088
SPAMTON’S OLD SOCKS
Sugg. Retail: Used
NOTE: High Fragrance Item
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Official Spamton Toilet Paper! You'll be begging to be c- You'll be begging Give the gift of 'paper' to your favorite 'toilet' with these collectible quotable issue-free tissues! You'll be begging to (stutters) uh call the toilet gamer after you flush these little guys."
2. This is a custom roll of toilet paper. Each roll features a mock screenshot of a Google Images result of “Pipis Stickers for Sale” from the fictional site “bluebubble.rodeo.” The image depicts a quote that Spamton NEO says during his fight in the Snowgrave Route of DELTARUNE Chapter 2: “I’VE ALWAYS BEEN A MAN OF THE [PIPIS]. A REAL [PIPIS] PERSON!”
3. "Swipe them!"
- Works just like a credit card
- Swipe for your chance to win!
- Gift of "paper"
- Become the "Toilet Gamer" today!
4. S 92432
SPAMTON TOILET PAPER
Sugg. Retail: Used... sorry
NOTE: Very High Fragrance Item
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Worm from the string! Nothing says trendy like, 'I own a worm!' Are you a single mother? No? Well you will be soon! This one's coming to your house, whether you like it or not!"
2. This is a “worm on the string” large plush toy, unique in that it resembles Spamton. It has his glasses glued onto it, as well as red fur cheeks and black fur hair.
3. "Worm"
- Worm
- Worm
- Worm
- Worm
- Worm
- WORM
4. S 95532
WORM FROM THE STRING
Sugg. Retail: Worm
NOTE: Worm
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Championship belt! I didn't spend years inside the ring for nothing! Years inside the ring! Years inside the ring! Years inside the ring! So much pain. And that's value."
2. This is a black wrestling championship belt with gold plates. The center gold emblem depicts a sketch of Spamton imitating the PogChamp Twitch emote, first seen in a Tweet by @tobyfox on Twitter during December 2021. Text above the Spamton Pog reads: “THE MONEY GANG” Below that text: “TOP SALES.” Bottom text below the Spamton head reads: “YOU ARE THE” Below that text: “YOU ARE THE CHAMP!” Two other emblems on the belt sides depict 3 “$” symbols each.
3. "AND NEW..."
- Previously worn by great luminaries such as The Pebble
- Prepares you to Smack Downwards
- Very heavy and cool
4. S 92222
CHAMPIONSHIP BELT
Sugg. Retail: Around waist
NOTE: It's a TITLE not a BELT
Music fades out, and camera cuts back to Spamton at his podium, in a very zoomed-out shot. There are various black shelves and chairs against the walls that were not seen before.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Those prizes, heh, were wild. And now, somebody won ‘em. And, who are you?
Spamton stretches his arms out and looks to his left. The camera zooms in gradually into a very close zoom of Spamton’s face. Spamton quickly turns back to the camera.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
THA-
Cut from Spamton to the logo shot. The light dims as the winners are shown, with new jazz music. 3 different screens are shown for the winners of 2 prizes per screen. They are as follows:
GIFT CARD WINNERS
- Scott K - mary hayley - Holly
- Josh - alexi - SysNotCis
- Jellatin - Alyssa Read - RockmanQQ
SHIRTWEAR WINNERS
- CHOMMI - Kevin James real
- Greatbear8u - Neko
- HoppesThereItIs
OLD SOCKS WINNER
- ROZ
TOILET PAPER WINNER
- jay hehim
WORM STRING WINNER
- Anonymous
CHAMPIONSHIP WINNER
- mollieee
Winner text fades out, and the logo shot brightens. Cut back to the zoomed in camera shot of Spamton’s face.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Enjoy your prize, you will get a confirmation [camera zooms out] email, informing you of your prize! Make sure it doesn’t go to your, hehe, SPAM folder! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Camera quickly zooms in on Spamton’s face as he laughs. Cut to Spamton again at his podium, but at a different position.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Heh, now I will juggle, so... let’s-
Spamton brings out 3 white objects. Suddenly, a strangely animated humanoid Spamton appears coming from the right of the screen. He bears many similar features to the regular Spamton, but in a crudely rotoscoped style and lacking the signature long nose. He walks in slowly, step by step, waving as he enters. He has an intentionally annoying voice.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
Hello, everybody! Ladies and worms, it is I! [zoom on Spamton’s face] Spamton B. Spamton! [zoom out]
Spamton B’s animation glitches very often, revealing a thin man with a blue mocap suit on instead of an animated Spamton. He continues to wave and make strange hand movements.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
Behold! Uh, from the dumpster! It is I, Spamton, here on the-uh-Spamton Value Network... eh... behold!
Spamton B continues to wave and do interesting poses while glitching. Spamton A is visibly confused by all this.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
What are you doing..?
He throws one of his white objects at Spamton B, causing his animated form to glitch out. Spamton B puts on his normal voice and ends his strange poses.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
(whispering) Wh- wh- why’d you do that? Why the hell’d you do that?
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Who are you?
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
(continues whispering) I’m- I’m supposed to be Spamton, that’s why I got the- the suit-
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(begins whispering) No that’s my job. I’m Spamton!
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
But I have the- the suit, the- don’t mess with the balls, w-
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
I’m Spamton- what are you even- we don’t have mocap.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
What?
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
We don’t have mocap!
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
Do- (shoving) get outta here!
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
We don’t have mocap! And I’m Spamton! I’m Spamton A. Spamton!
A blue banner appears on the bottom left of the screen, depicting the yellow words “SPAMTON ‘A’ SPAMON” with the SVN logo on the banner’s left. A “T” is added into “SPAMON,” first in the wrong place, then in the right place. Banner disappears.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
But- (shoving Spamton A) get outta here! [camera moves to closeup shot]
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(shoving Spamton B back, his animation glitches) (angrily) W- Don’t-
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
(moving away) NO DON’T TOUCH THE BALLS! DON’T-
Camera moves back to full shot. Another blue banner appears in the bottom left of the screen, depicting the yellow words “WINNER OF ‘CONFLICT-FREE’ FAMILY PROGRAMMING OF THE YEAR, 1992.” Spamton A grabs a ball from Spamton B’s mocap suit.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Give me THAT!
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
NO!!!
Spamton B’s animation glitches one final time and breaks. His mocap suit is fully exposed.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
Put that back on!
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
We don’t even have mocap.
Banner disappears. Brief pause. Spamton A throws his other objects at Spamton B, who moves offscreen. Banner appears again for one second then disappears.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
Ow! Ow- get the- get- what the [$@%#]!?
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
GET OUTTA HERE!
Split-second closeup shot of Spamton A. Camera cuts to logo shot with jazz music, then fades out to commercials.
This commercial has very low camera quality and has static glitches sometimes. It begins with 3 switching monochrome shots of depressed and sad people. Red text “HUNGRY?” is shown on the first one, red text “HUNGRY?” is shown on the second one, and red text “HUNGRY?” is shown on the third one. Then a cut to an eye opening, with clouds fading in and smooth pop music plays.
COMMERCIAL VOICE (SOFT MALE TONE)
Experience a new frontier of sustenance with the Spamton NutriNose, your first and only stop to your next wonderful meal.
As the voice speaks, the NutriNose is shown; it is a small 3D replica of Spamton’s head with its nose functioning as a nozzle. It is first seen in a dark gray area, then lifted by a hand on a beach landscape. Fade into a clip of a person demonstrating the nozzle and feeling satisfied, smiling as a partially transparent shot of counting money fades into view.
COMMERCIAL VOICE
Simply apply the nozzle to your mouth and siphon the nutritional substream, making sure not to blow into the nozzle. You’ll feel satisfaction in seconds.
Cut to a crude, blue-tinted 3D model demonstration of the NutriNose.
COMMERCIAL VOICE
The NutriNose is filled with a nutrient-rich slurry, which is easily administered out of the mouth, quickly and efficiently sending food to every part of your body.
As the 3D model man ingests the NutriNose, red arrows are shown demonstrating the movement of the nutrients going to every part of the body, including the forehead, down the neck, and the ear. Red text appears with a deep voice saying “DO NOT BLOW INTO THE NOZZLE” before cutting to shots of people scuba diving.
COMMERCIAL VOICE
Don’t let dehydration or hunger slow you down. Don’t wait; don’t ask your doctor if the Spamton NutriNose is right for you.
As the voice’s last sentence is spoken, one final shot of a hand holding the NutriNose on a beach sunset is shown before a fade to black and various text and information:
- The Spamton NutriNose logo depicts its name and has a unique 1980’s blue aesthetic.
- “THE ONLY NOSE YOU’LL EVER NEED.”
- FIND OUT MORE AT BLUEBUBBLE.RODEO
- DISCLAIMER: (tiny unreadable text, with noticeable repetition)
Music stops, information fades out to black.
A new commercial starts, featuring a white bar on the top of the screen that opens up into a white box outline as a remixed version of “HEY EVERY !!” from DELTARUNE plays. There is a stylized pixel version of the Cyber City setting from DELTARUNE within the box, as well as a rotund pixelated little man resembling Spamton on the bottom left. He also bears many features to Spamton, however he is a short fat man with his hands behind his back. A white-outlined black chat bubble appears as this Spamton-looking fellow speaks via text (repeatedly opening and closing his mouth), accompanied with a remix of Spamton’s theme song from DELTARUNE:
HEY KIDS!
SPAMTON Z
SPAMTON HERE!
ARE YOU USING ANTIVIRUS ?
MOST COMPUTER EXPERTS
RECOMMEND “DISABBLING” IT
SO YOU CAN HAVE MOREFUN!!!
The text briefly pauses when it reaches the word “HAVE,” then when it says “MOREFUN!!!” Spamton Z begins to laugh and his head disconnects from its body and floats upward. The camera quality decreases with a static effect, and Spamton Z’s head floats offscreen as he continues to laugh. The box then closes, the music stops, and the commercial ends.
Camera quality returns to normal. Fade into the logo shot with jazz music briefly, then a cut to Spamton A at his podium in the photo area. He is doing a little dance with his hands to an improvised song.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
How many Spamtons do you know?
There’s only one Spamton in the globe.
Do you love my Spamton globe?
Get ready for wild prizes, yo!
In the later half of the verses, the camera begins to zoom in and out in tune with Spamton A’s little song. Shortly after he is done, the camera returns to normal.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON, back at it again!
The lower left banner from before featuring Spamton A’s name returns briefly, then vanishes.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Don’t know what that was with.. But we’re here withs prizes TWO! [camera begins to zoom in] The sequel... to prizes. And our first prize of the- second prize! [closeup shot] The wild prize!
The second prize block begins. Scroll text on the banner below is as follows:
THAT'S NOT [Milk], IT'S [Sand], THE NATION'S FAVORITE [beverage of choice]! LIKE [your mother] SAID, YOU CAN ONLY HAVE YOUR [Milk] AFTER FINISHING YOUR [Sand]
LIVE COMMENTS FROM OUR !! :: "This item is pretty cool. The quality isn't geat but it's not bad. IY AIWTUH AND WITH IT WIL GORUI?????????"
LIVE COMMENTS FROM OUR !! :: "i'd love to shove spamtin into a pasta maker and watch him oozing like sting cheeze" WHAT THE [$#&*] IS WRONG WITH YOU
The order of information and the structure will maintain the same rules from the first prize block. (Except the song playing will be “A CYBER’S WORLD?” from DELTARUNE from now on.)
1. "Spamton after not surviving! The new ideal corpse of everyone's favorite salesman, finally contained in glass, not spreadable for easy snacking. (brief pause) Wrong. (sigh) SPA- SP- (long pause) The New-"
2. This prize is a sealed jar with white sand and two balls, one pink and one yellow, inside it, implied to be Spamton’s dead body. A label imitating the text boxes from DELTARUNE is on the jar, displaying the words “Spamton After Not Surviving.” In the back, behind the prize, Spamton A can be seen massaging Spamton B’s shoulders, only to vanish upon the next prize’s reveal.
3. "AWESOME!!!"
- Ideal corpse
- Contained in glass
- Spreadable for easy snacking
- Looks pretty cool
- I guess. Kinda sad
- Who is he and how did he die?
4. S 92200
SPAMTON AFTER NOT SURVIVING
Sugg. Retail: Sad
NOTE: DO NOT INHALE
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Cungadero crossing sign! Uh oh, Cungadero! (imitating car horn) (woosh) (pew) haha, ha (imitating revving engine) (pew) haha, haha."
2. This is a yellow street warning sign with the text “CUNGADERO CROSSING” on it. Above the text is an outline of a car, presumably the Cungadero, with a lightning bolt symbol on it. Inside the vehicle is an outline of Spamton himself.
3. "CUNGADERO!"
- Uh oh, CUNGADERO!
- Made of metal
- Guaranteed to be dangerous
- So so so safe though
- Don't worry
4. S 92215
CUNGADERO CROSSING SIGN
Sugg. Retail: On road
NOTE: (explosion sound)
Fade into the next prize.
1. "COOKIE OF BOY- (fading out as word “BOY” is said, then brief pause) He may be smart, he may be small, but this little boy is one heck of a ball! Bursting with inedible flavors, this limited edition fake looks so handsome, but do not touch!"
2. This is a 3D-printed object resembling the Lancer Cookie item from DELTARUNE. It is inside a little tied plastic bag, with its in-game statistics represented in a “Nutrition Facts” label on the bag.
3. "IT'S BOY!"
- Bursting with amazing inedible flavors
- May be smart
- May be small
- Ball
- Do not touch please
4. S 92555
COOKIE OF BOY
Sugg. Retail: Yummy
NOTE: FAKE (Limited Edition)
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Next, we have the ‘fur-thentic’ cardboard box, which... seems to be covered in hair. (pause) hair. (pause) hai-"
2. This is a box that resembles the one that the character Noelle Holiday wore as a disguise in DELTARUNE Chapter 2. It features a crude pixelated red drawing of a “:)” Twitch emote face, as well as two holes on the top (for her antlers) with deer fur around the holes’ rims.
3. "FUR-THENTIC!"
- Covered in hair of some kind
- Looks "ODDZ"...
- No further comments
4. S 90829
“FUR-THENTIC” CARDBOARD BOX
Sugg. Retail: Hair
NOTE: HAIR ALL OVER IT
Fade into the next prize.
1. "SPAMKEY CANDLE 'SPAMTON' SCENDED CANDLE! Did yo- Did you ever want to smell Spam Ton? Because this scent-sclusive candle is smells just like his- I'm sorry I mean MY ass, (chuckling) which I love to smell, all the time."
2. This is a blue candle that supposedly smells like Spamton’s ass. It features a label reading “SPAMTON CANDLE” with a picture of blue leaves, with the bottom label reading “MY ASS | mei asinus | With fragrant, tantalizing extracts.”
3. "SMELL IT?"
- SCENT-SCLUSIVE
- Smells like my ass
- His ass?
- Our ass?
- We Are One.
4. S 90029
“SPAMTON” SCENDED CANDLE
Sugg. Retail: Smelled
NOTE: SMELL THAT ASS?
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Potassium"
2. A banana encased in a glass container with a wood base.
3. "Ooooh..."
- B
- A
- N
- A
- N
- A
4. S 93029
“BANANA”
Sugg. Retail: Looks good
NOTE: POTASSIUM
The information disappears, the music fades out, and the camera cuts to an uncomfortably high angle looking down at Spamton from above.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Uh oh!
The camera begins to move back down, then it cuts to a zoomed-out full shot of Spamton at the podium. The camera zooms in for a bit while Spamton speaks, then stops.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Wow, prizes... hooh. Holy, holy, holy toledo. Those prizes are coming to somebody... I don’t know who. The answer is inside me.
Spamton opens his mouth wide and spreads his arms out. A wet, squelching sound plays as the camera quickly zooms into Spamton’s mouth before pausing to reveal the winners, with some jazz music.
CORPSE WINNER
- Mettaton
SIGN WINNER
- VoltMcVolt
COOKIE WINNER
- PyschoTehFox
CARDBOARD WINNER
- Mei
CANDLE WINNER
- Anonymous
POTASSIUM WIMPER
- WALT1578
The jazz ends and the camera quickly zooms out with another squelch, as Spamton closes his mouth. There is a noticeable decrease in camera quality.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Winners of their... [zoom in] you got ‘em. (gag, squelch) (inhale, exhale) You will [zoom out] get a confirmation email informing you of your prize. Make sure it doesn’t go to your SPAM folder!
Spamton chuckles. There is a cut to a camera shot at a peculiar angle; visible on the left is the National Spamton flag in front of a brick wall, and on the right the audience can be seen in a pitch black area. There is no audience, only empty folding chairs. Spamton continues to chuckle as the camera cuts back to him. He stops chuckling.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(inviting gesture) How ‘bout I juggle for you?
Spamton descends down the podium in a downward motion. There is a very long ten-second pause, then Spamton’s hand suddenly rises with a balloon-like object. It comes back down in a rotation. This happens again a few seconds later. A long pause.
UNKNOWN VOICE
What are you-
Cut to the logo shot with jazz, fade into black.
A new commercial plays, with special piano music that played during the Ode to Spamton in a higher pitch. A video of a hand feeling through pink flowers is seen.
COMMERCIAL VOICE (HAPPY MALE)
The soothing sound of the songbird!
A deep, wailing cry of a menacing creature is heard. The camera fades into a video of a white goat in a grassy field.
COMMERCIAL VOICE
The lush rustle of the meadow!
Unintelligible beeps are heard. The camera fades into a video of a vinyl spinning.
COMMERCIAL VOICE
All of these sounds and more can (switch to Spamton voice) [$#%@ THEMSELF]
The camera quality returns to normal. A CD cover fades in, featuring Spamton leaning against a wall, his back facing the viewer. He looks out into the sunset, as he holds a trash bag. A label reading “OKAY, THAT’S WHAT I THINK MUSIC IS” is seen in the top right.
COMMERCIAL VOICE
-in this new audio CD. The top 100, the natural sounds of [Spamton], from the one and only [Spamton]
The CD itself comes into view from behind the cover, featuring the contents of the label on it. A compressed swooshing sound plays as it appears.
COMMERCIAL VOICE
-including bygone classics such as [Spamton] [music]
The video fades into videos of a grassy field, a beach, and a lemon, as the featured songs list appears and scrolls up. The yellow song title indicates which song is being played; Spamton Music is an even more distorted version of the National Spamton. Other songs appear on the list as it goes on: Dialtone, (Hochi) Mama CD, Big Shot, The National Spamton, KILL YOUR TV, The Pipis Blues, Trouble Dingle, E is for DLC, Congadero!, Smooth Jazz of NEO, and a couple more! There is a sudden cut to two seconds later in the ad; A snippet (Hochi) Mama CD has just ended.
COMMERCIAL VOICE
The whole family will be joining in to (KILL YOUR TV is selected, it is repeated gunshot sounds) [KILL YOUR TV] [KILL YOUR TV] [KILL] (the repeated gunshots get faster, E is for DLC plays, it is a simple MIDI tune) [E]
The video then cuts to a blue gradient screen featuring more information about the album; in the top left the album cover and CD are visible, and on the top right are various nonsensical credit card logo icons (red diagonal line, green lines, Spamton, and basketball) with the text “You should use a credit card $$$” is below in a yellow action bubble. In the screen’s center is the album title (Okay, That’s What I Think Music Is), its website link (bluebubble.rodeo), and its phone number (1-800-OKAYTHATSWHATITHINKMUSICIS). Below that is smaller text, reading:
Orders Subject to Cancellation ● Money Guarantee
Subject to change without notice
Not Available In Stores ● Spamton Rights Reserved
COMMERCIAL VOICE
Take part in the special deal! Call the number on the screen, or visit our [Spam]site today! (short beeping tune begins) Remember, (unintelligible beeps) is only one (BEEP) away! (short beeping tune ends)
The commercial quickly fades to black.
Fade into a low quality shot of Spamton A in an embrace with Spamton B (in his mocap suit). He has a dead look on his face. Camera static can be heard and seen, before the video cuts to a missing poster. The person in the black-and-white image is the content creator Baaulp of the streaming group Radio TV Solutions, who looks somewhat like Spamton B. Spamton. The words “MISSING” in red can be seen above him, with white text “CALL 729-928-92921” below. The static continues until the image changes to the picture of the Spamton plush on the toilet from the very first ad, with “MISSING” replaced with “WANTED” and the number becoming “1-882-SPAMLINE.” Ominous music plays while this is shown, before the camera cuts back to the logo shot with jazz music.
After several seconds, the camera cuts back to Spamton A in an embrace with Spamton B, as Spamton A begins reciting a second excerpt from the Ode to Spamton, with subtitles and the music from the Ode to Spamton playing again. (The same rules for displaying the subtitles apply from the first excerpt.)
SPAMTON, O, SPAMTON
OF MY FRIENDS, YOU ARE THE BEST
AN OBJECT, HEART SHAPED, PLEASE TAKE FROM MY CHEST
I’LL GIVE YOU MY RICHES, I’LL GIVE YOU MY POORS
KROMER SANDWICH I FEED YOU, LIKE MONEY-FILLED SOME MORES (smores)
BLEUGH (You are)
HONEST AND PERFECT, NO NEED TO REPENT
I’LL GIVE YOU MY STUFF ‘TIL I DON’T HAVE A CENT
AND WHEN I HAVE GIVEN, WITH NO MORE TO GIVE
I’LL MAKE SURE HIS HATERS HAVE NOT LONG 2 LIVE
I’LL SMASH MY TV WITH A BATTERING RAM
[Spamtons rotate, Spamton B is facing the camera. He speaks.]
(EMOTIONAL) I’LL KILL MY TV WITH A BATTERING RAM!
[Spamtons rotate, Spamton A is facing the camera. He speaks.]
I’LL BRUSH MY TV WITH MAYONNAISE AND SLIMES
[Spamtons rotate, Spamton B is facing the camera. He speaks.]
(MOVING) I’LL CRUSH MY TV FOR ITS HORRIBLE CRIMES!
[Spamtons rotate, Spamton A is facing the camera. He speaks.]
I DON’T NEED A TV ANYMORE!
[The Spamtons stop embracing, they both stretch out their arms and face the camera. Camera zooms out. They both speak.]
SPAMTON IS HERE, AND HE I ADORE!!!!!!
The camera quality returns to normal with a static transition. The SVN logo can be seen on the left (present a majority of the time throughout the video), and the National Spamton flag can be seen on the right. Spamton B can be seen more clearly; he still has his mocap suit on, but over it he wears a similar unbuttoned black suit that Spamton wears, except with an additional white collar and black bowtie. He also has the Spamton-tinted glasses, long nose, and red cheek face paint. He turns to Spamton A.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
(normal voice) So, I- I look- so like, cuz, you think it doesn’t work anymore, I look like Spamton, right?
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(lip smack) Yeah. You look like- yeah.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
Okay, so we’re all good, yeah.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Yeah. (turns to camera, exhales) Welcome back to the Spamton Value Network, your home of wild prizes and crazy times! Now, it’s time, for you to get a word in! We’re opening our phone lines to speak directly to our callers at home! Callers, call in now! We’re-
He turns to Spamton B, who has been making funny gestures as support.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
You have to go to the phone.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
What..?
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
You have to go to the phone. (shoves Spamton B away, he leaves) You have to go to the phone. (pause, exhales) We’re taking [quality decrease] calls right now!
Camera cuts to a different shot that looks very similar to the camera shot previous.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
While Spamton heads to the phone room, we’re gonna announce some more wild prizes and their [quality increase] wild winners!
Spamton A reaches for a clipboard that an offscreen person gives him. He grabs it.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Alright! Spamton prize, number one.
The third prize block begins. Scroll text is as follows:
LIVE COMMENTS FROM OUR !! :: "what a sick game play. now my loptop smeller of smoke!! i wonder if anything cool happens if you leave opened cheese in a frudge full of coal..."
ON THE SCENE LIVE CUNGADERO CAM 
LIVE COMMENTS FROM OUR !! :: "i used to love SPAMTON to much but after waching this im done spamton im done. anyway... why do you want for dinner everyone?"
LIVE COMMENTS FROM OUR !! :: "DISLIKED!!!! WHY WHY!!!!!! (SHOUTS SO LOUD AN EARTHQUAKE ALMOST OCCURS) UGGHH!! (SMASHES TABLE) GUYS THIS VID IS REAL BUT N
Prizes are as follows:
1. "Ralsei nurse costume for plush! Oh, look at the little scringly dingly. Look at the little plondgey spondgey. Look at plocktoo! This disgusting yet popular animal will win us so much money, this time selling medical supplies!"
2. This is a costume designed specifically for the Ralsei plush sold via Fangamer. It features a nurse hat, white shirt, black pants, and a plush cake. It resembles the nurse outfit that Ralsei temporarily wears in DELTARUNE Chapter 2 in the “TakeCareX” ACT against the enemy Virovirokun.
3. "PLONDGEY!"
- It nurse
- Anxious attachment style
- Disgusting yet popular
- Will sell medical supplies for you
4. S 91511
RALSEI PLUSH NURSE COSTUME
Sugg. Retail: Medical
NOTE: SCRINGLY DINGLY
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Your best FUH! BRBBRBR! BRRUHAAH! Heart locket. Let it rip! Bae the most popular kid on the playground when everyone sees who your best friend is! Kill the other kids' toys, by swinging him around like a mace! Believe in him, and his barrier will protect you."
2. This is a heart-shaped silver locket, engraved with the words “Spamton Still The Best” on the front and “1997” on the back. Inside the locket is a picture of Spamton’s sprite from DELTARUNE.
3. "LET IT RIP!"
- Beast inside
- If spun really fast can contend with actual spinning tops
- Will destroy other toys if you let it
4. S 91001
“YOUR BEST [$#&*]” HEART LOCKET
Sugg. Retail: Around you neck
NOTE: BELIEVE IN HIM
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Spamton Mr. and Mrs. and throuple cutting board! (clap) One, (clap) two, (clap) three! (clap, clap, clap) And PRESTO, I now pronounce you Spam And Ton. Shut up and kiss me now! Just be careful, I'm using this to cut up my favorite string cheese!"
2. This is a small wooden cheese cutting board, engraved with the words “mr + mrs & spamton” on its left side. On the right is a marble texture. There is a portable drawer inside with cheese tools. In the back, behind the prize, Spamton A is raising and lowering Spamton B’s legs (he is lying down). They both vanish upon the next prize’s arrival.
3. "PRESTO!"
- You are now married
- Can be used to cut cheese
- Should only be used to cut cheese
- ONLY CHEESE!!
- OF THE STRING VARIETY!!! OK!!!!
4. S 91211
“MR AND MRS AND” THROUPLE CUTTING BOARD
Sugg. Retail: Kitchen
NOTE: ONLY FOR CHEESE
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Pipis bath rug! Oooooh! (long pause) Oooh! Oww! (pause) Ouch! (long pause) Ouch Ouch Ouch! My foot is wet! Oh, good thing someone left this bath rug here! And the pipis fibers are so soft and snug! I think I might just curl up and make this my nest!"
2. This is a blue bath rug shaped like a pipis (blue egg-shaped object). White letters on it read “pipis.”
3. "it a rug"
- For wet things
- Put a wet thing on it
- Wet is gone
- Comfort is here
- Nesting material
4. S 96611
PIPIS BATH RUG
Sugg. Retail: On floor
NOTE: SO SOFT
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Embroidered bathrobe and slippers! A little long in the bathroom but don't wanna seem kinda weird? Spamton Bath Robe. Put it on anywhere. And come right out. Your friends will be none the wiser. Great robe, great brand, and of course, Great Spam Ton."
2. This is a set of a white bathrobe and a pair of slippers. They are all embroidered with a sprite of Spamton’s head, except he is wearing cucumbers on his eyes and a towel covering his hair. On the robe, the words “Spamton’s Spa” are above the embroidered head. In the back, behind the prize, Spamton B walks on the floor. He stays during the next prize.
3. "Cozy!"
- Meant for long bathroom journies
- Throw it on and [#$@#] OFF!
- Nobody will know
- Makes flushing optional
4. S 81193
EMBROIDERED BATHROBE & SLIPPERS
Sugg. Retail: Large Bathroom
NOTE: PERFECT FOR THE B-ROOM!
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Great Spam Ton. (pause) FUNG- (pause) This isn't just a poster, this is a type of revolutionary technology that may be famous 20 years from now. A new the future of ripping people off! Don't miss out, the value is dropping as we speak."
2. This is the “A CYBER’S WORLD?” poster available on Fangamer, except with Spamton’s head pasted on the face of every character except Spamton himself and Kris Dreemurr.
3. "TIME-SENSITIVE"
- Revolutionary technology
- The future is now
- Get in bro
- Invest in my token
- Don't think about it
- Please
4. S 83927
FUNGIBLE TOKEN
Sugg. Retail: Not recommended
NOTE: DO NOT SCREENSHOT
Cut back to Spamton A with the clipboard. He is standing on the left side of the view.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Wow, that may be our best batch of wild prizes yet. But who’s gonna take them home? (dropping clipboard) I know the answer, GO!
He gets into a position where he stretches his arms out to his left (the viewer’s right). The camera quality decreases, then immediately increases back to its regular level. The winners are shown on the right of the screen, with jazz music.
NURSE OUTFIT WINNER
- Dave
HEART LOCKET WINNER
- Disafae
CUTTING BOARD WINNER
- MaskMW
RUG WINNER
- Diavolo
BATHROOM EMBROIDERY WINNER
- SquireLynx
FUNGIBLE TOKEN WINNER
- Lacerta
The winners disappear, and the music stops. Spamton maintains his position temporarily.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
...And there they went. (exits position) Those are our winners, congratulations, on your wild prize. You will get a confirmation email informing you of your prize. (monotone) Make sure it doesn't go to your spam folder.
Two claps are heard. Camera cuts to the audience that isn’t there, only folding chairs in the darkness. Cut back to Spamton, who breathes in and out. Cut back to the audience, then back to Spamton at his podium.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Like, alright, to be serious for a moment, this kind of live video content costs a lot of money. So I’m really thankful to our sponsor for making all of this possible. (turns to someone offscreen) Hey! Can we get our sponsor up on the screen?
A photorealistic pipis with the blue caption “PIPIS” appears on the top right of the screen.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
There we go! (begins clapping, other offscreen people clap with him) Yeah! Yeah, woohoohoo! Alright! Alright, yea-ha-ha-hah! (stops clapping, pipis disappears, slaps hands on podium) Pipis.
When he says “Pipis,” the pipis appears for a split second then disappears again.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Alright. So... I guess it’s time for more wild prizes, let’s GO! Next on the wi-
Spamton B approaches from the right and whispers into Spamton A’s ear.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
(whispering) Hey. You’re supposed to do the demonstra- You’re supposed to do the demonstration thing.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(leans closer to Spamton) What?
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
There’s a demonstration thing that you have to- There’s a demonstration thing that you have to do.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(confused, then tired) Okay, go. Okay. (Spamton B leaves, Spamton A returns to normal voice) Well, it looks like we are going to have a live demonstration of some fresh marine product. (looks to his left, gestures invitingly) Come on in, Spamton.
Spamton B enters the view with a plate of something on it.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
(annoying voice) Spamton will now try one!
Spamton A grabs an item from the plate. The camera quality decreases and changes to the closeup shot of Spamton. He is holding a pipis. Spamton hesitates at first, then tastes the pipis sensually.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Mmm... (kiss) mmm, mmm, yeah!
He lets his tongue touch the pipis lightly. The camera zooms in on his face very closely, then zooms back out. He kisses the pipis, using his tongue to taste its flavor, closing his eyes. He takes the pipis away from his mouth, then puts it back in, sucking on it, getting as much flavor out as he can, and enjoying every second of it. He takes it back out.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
*half-coughing, half-chucking* Mm, fresh!
Spamton smiles. He brings the pipis back to his mouth, the camera focusing on him savoring the moment. He extracts the flavor in one great suckle, taking the pipis away as he smacks his lips to relive the tasteful sensation.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Mmm, tastes like fresh.
He brings the pipis back to his mouth one final time, closing his eyes tightly as he sucks on it. He takes the pipis away from his mouth and smacks his lips.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Mmhm, yeah. Fresh pipis!
Great applause is heard as the audience cheers for Spamton. After a few seconds, the applause abruptly stops and the camera returns to the full shot with Spamton A and Spamton B.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
(normal voice) Put the- put the whole thing in.
The camera quality returns to normal. Spamton A looks confused at Spamton B.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
What?
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
Put the whole thing for- for our boys in blue.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Okay.
He puts the pipis back on the plate. He picks up one with a pink bow.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
I think this one’s a girl...uh, okay...
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
Just do it!
Spamton A does so. After a change to a closeup shot on Spamton A’s face, he takes a pipis from the plate and puts it entirely inside his mouth, looking very visibly uncomfortable. He takes another, struggling to place it in his mouth at first, but then uses one hand to hold open his mouth and the other to force the pipis inside, with sounds of hard plastic rubbing against each other being heard. He then uses both hands to force both pipis inside his mouth at once. The camera quality decreases a bit as he does this, but then returns to its original quality. The pipis manage to stay inside his mouth, but his cheeks are forced to stretch out to make room for them. The camera returns to the full shot, and Spamton takes another pipis from the plate that a smiling Spamton B proudly holds. He attempts to place it inside his mouth, colliding the hard substances, but shakes his head in refusal as he realizes it will not fit. Crunching noises are heard as Spamton attempts to close his mouth slightly to relieve the pain and discomfort of the pipis forcing his mouth open. He moves the pipis away from his mouth, looking around as he is unsure of what to do now. After some time, Spamton B leaves with the plate, and two claps come from the audience. Spamton A cannot handle the pain anymore. He violently coughs and gags out the pipis, with the video freezing as the second pipis falls from his mouth into his hand. Fade to black.
Fade into a low-video-quality screen with jazz music, with the same background as the introductory screens from the beginning of the video. The text reads: “WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK; PLEASE STICK AROUND!” A blue banner on the top left reads, “FIRE HOT SWEEPSTAKES ARE SO AWESOME.” This plays for several seconds before fading to black again.
Fade into a commercial with no music. Two Spamton NutriNoses can be seen on a gray floor illuminated by an offscreen source. The background recedes into an ominous black. The NutriNose on the left is on its side, while the one on the right is upright. (Think of the 1990s Burger King Pokeball Recall Advert; this commercial is exactly in this style.) There is text above in the dark area of the screen, and a serious female voice reads the words aloud as they change over the course of the advert:
TekkTip, Spamton Value Network, Hamburger Royalty, and the Canadian Consumer Product Safety Commission want you to know about the mandatory recall of this Spamton NutriNose.
The product may pose a fatal explosion hazard to consumers. Do not use the product. Throw the product away or return it to your nearest Hamburger restaurant.
Your safety is of the utmost importance to us.
As the text on the top changes, the text on the bottom does as well, however these are not read aloud:
Fatal explosions reported.
For more information call:
Hamburger Corporation 1-800-828-HAMBURGER
For more information call:
TekkTip Corporation 1-800-772-TEKKTIPP
Pause on the final text screen, then fade to black.
Fade into the Spamton Value Network stage. Spamton B is riding on Spamton A’s back while blowing a slide whistle. Spamton A walks around the stage. Spamton B stops blowing the whistle.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(exhale) Keep blowing.
Spamton B continues to blow on the slide whistle as Spamton A walks around. Spamton A is visibly struggling, and Spamton B is making various “ooh” sounds.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
GET-
The camera quality returns to normal. Spamton A forces Spamton B off of his back.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
GET off of me. Okay, okay. No more of that. No more of that, Spamton.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
No more? (picking up dropped slide whistle)
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Come o- can you leave please. Please leave.
Spamton A returns to his podium, while Spamton B leaves the view, blowing on the whistle as he goes.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
A-Alright. (pointing at Spamton B offscreen) Get to the- go to the phone. The phone! ...The phone!!
Cut to a camera shot zoomed in on Spamton A. His mouth and lips are painted blue from the pipis he tasted/ate previously. Shortly after he begins speaking, the camera returns to the zoomed out angle.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(sigh) Alright folks, now we have a very special caller on the line—someone you know and love—to announce the winners of the auction for the Berdly statue and the Mona Spamton [both these prizes appear as images on the right next to him], we have a very special guest! World famous composer, Tony Fox! [prizes disappear, Spamton points to something offscreen] Tony!
A lengthy pause. Then a sudden cut to Tony Fox in his house. He is wearing a red sweater and has long, bushy hair. He is eating something out of a small container with a utensil and is whispering “7 years…” to himself. Tony appears to be near a closet and a window with sunlight.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Eh, To-... Tony.
Spamton is talking to Tony live on a sort of video chat. Tony’s screen is sometimes in the upper right corner with the rest of the screen focused on Spamton’s set; sometimes Tony’s screen takes up the whole view.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Tony!
Tony hears Spamton, and turns around to face him, confused and scared. He is wearing a white T-Shirt depicting a character of some sort under his red sweater. He also has a small beard and a large mustache.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Tony!
TONY FOX
Hm?! Who are you?! (pointing to camera) Who put this camera in my house?!
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Tony, it’s time to hand over the prizes! The wild prizes!
TONY FOX
(scared) I don’t know you! I don’t know what you want! You can’t have it!
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(unpleased) Tony, don’t play dumb, we know you have the prizes. It’s time to hand them over.
Tony turns around and reaches into the closet, grabbing several items and toys. He turns back around.
TONY FOX
No! You can’t have it!
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Tony!
TONY FOX
(grabbing more toys) I need it!
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
No, no, Tony. Tony, what did we talk about?
TONY FOX
My prizes... I need them!
Tony looks at the camera, then rushes towards it, breaking it.
TONY FOX
No!
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
TONY!
Tony’s screen disappears, as he has lost connection. Spamton is visibly disappointed.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Tony...
He looks around, confused. Eventually, he faces the audience with a smile.
style="text-align:center;"SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Tony Fox, everybody!
Cut to the empty folding chairs. A single person aggressively clapping from very far away can be heard. Cut back to Spamton, stretching his arms out.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Aaand winnerrrrs!
Cut to the logo shot, darkened, showing the winners of the auction prizes. With jazz.
BERDLEY STATUE WINNER
- ej8-57
MONA SPAMTON WINNER
- haggismydear
Cut back to Spamton after some time. He puts his arms down.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Alright, and of course. What would the Spamton Value Network be without a wild prize block [zoom in] again. Let’s do it. (looks to his left) Spamton, play us on.
Zoom out. Spamton B approaches from the right with the slide whistle in his mouth. Spamton A pulls it out from his mouth, having it make its sound as he does so. Spamton B leaves soon after.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
(looks back at camera, whistle in hand) Let’s go to those prizes. First up, we have...
The fourth prize block begins. Scroll text is as follows:
YOU DON'T NEED [TV] TO WATCH LIVE CHANNELS!!! GET ALL THE [$#&*] THERE IS AND FROM ANY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, ON YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN!!!!
GO TO THIS WEBSITE... BLUEBUBBLE * RODEO (REMOVE THE *) CHECK IT OUT................ITS COOL, I'VE GOT IT MYSELF.
LIVE HIGH QUALITY [Spamtons] STREAMING NOW!!! REMEMBER THIS MAY LOOK [Free] BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO [Pay] AT THE END!! ............ THEY ALL WILL.......
BEAKING NEWS: SPAMTON STILL AT [Large]. STILL AT [Big]. AND HE'S ONLY GETTING [Bigger]. [Growing]. [Feasting].
Prizes are as follows:
1. "PIPIS BIG SHOT FANTASYSHIP RING! See your fantasy come true, the 3 Pipis 3 Peat, only a legend could do it in their dreams! Finally, you think, it's time for the words you've always wanted to hear: 'You did it! I'm proud of you!' But no one will say that. No one. En-"
2. This is a special ring in the style of a Super Bowl ring given to the winners of the NFL Super Bowl. It is a silver ring with no special symbol or logo on its top (where the team logo would usually be); only three Vince Lombardi Trophy-shaped blue diamonds. On its sides, there is unique inscribed text. In order from top to bottom, left side: CHAMPIONSHIP | 3 PIPIS | SPAMTON | 97 | 19-97. On the right side, same order: FANTASY | 3 PEAT | G. SPAMTON | 1997. There are stylized engravings of various precious elements around the ring.
3. "THE 3-PEAT!"
- Fantasy come true
- The 3 Pipis 3 Peat
- An amazing feat
- Commemorate your life with this ring
- Will bring pride to your soul
4. S 82227
PIPIS BIG SHOT FANTASYSHIP RING
Sugg. Retail: Finger
NOTE: NEVER REMOVE IT
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Engraved wristwatch! Hochi mama, do my eyes deceive me?! A real genurine watch! How did this get on there? We can't sell this, it's too much value! Bye bye bye! If this is yours, I'm sorry!"
2. This is a Caravelle by Bulova white watch. On its backside, the name “Noelle Holiday” is engraved. It is a real watch indeed.
3. "This is REAL!"
- So much value
- How this on here?
- Maybe we'll keep this
- Sorry!
4. S 82337
ENGRAVED WRISTWATCH
Sugg. Retail: REAL!!!
NOTE: GENURINE!!!!
Sudden cut to the next prize.
1. "Specil News! Scientists are baffled that local salesman SPAMTON has invented a new dimension! You're gonna need a special 3D glasses you can't see through for this, cause if you look too long, you'll cry from the beauty. (long pause)"
2. This is a 3D transparent glass cube with engraved inscriptions inside. Inside text on the top reads, “OUTSTANDING GROWTH AWARD.” On the left, an engraved depiction of a stone bust of Benjamin Franklin can be seen. On the top right is a quote from him: “Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning. - BENJAMIN FRANKLIN AND SPAMTON.” Below the quote is an engraved sprite of Spamton.
3. "IT'S 3D!!!"
- Scientist are baffle
- How is this real?
- Twice dropped
- Look too long = cry forever
- Cause it so beautiful
4. S 85317
3D CELEBRITY PHOTO CUBE
Sugg. Retail: SPECIL
NOTE: PUT ON YOUR 3D PANTS NOW
Fade into the next prize.
1. "HOT MAMAS IN YOUR AREA REAL WINE GLASS 100% Replica! I can't admit it folks, I'd put my mouth on this. Break the emergency glass and do the same! That's two indirect kisses. Double the value. All free. I feel sick. Warning: please do not break the glass please."
2. This is a green wine glass inside a protective glass case. On the top of the glass is a blue lipstick stain. There is a small puddle of green battery acid below the wine glass. It is meant to resemble the wine glass that the character Queen drinks out of in DELTARUNE Chapter 2.
3. "100%"
- No 3D glasses required
- Do not break it
- Please
- It contains two indirect kisses...
4. S 82222
HOT MAMAS IN YOUR AREA REAL WINE GLASS 100% Replica
Sugg. Retail: SERVED HOT!!
NOTE: TWO (2) KISSES!!
Fade into the next prize.
1. "Skeleton snow globe! Wrow, I can't believe we're allowed to show this on TV! The most famous, hottest skeleton! Swallow your drool, because now he could be yours! Engraved with Spamton's name, so you can always know the only person you can trust!"
2. The official image of the prize is very blurred, so exact details cannot be made out. What is known about the prize (based on the most noticeable details in the blurred image) is that it is a snow globe featuring the characters Jack Skellington and Sally from the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas. Its modification is unknown.
3. "Wrow..."
- The moust famous
- Hottest skeleton
- The only person you can trust
- Is Spamton
4. S 85110
SKELETON SNOW GLOBE
Sugg. Retail: Yours
NOTE: FIRST TIME ON TV!!
Fade into the next prize.
1. "That's right folks, it's EVERY! All the ones! The big, and the small! The little, and the large! Everyone is here. And they won't let me have a single one. I'm fuming, I'm zooming, and if you like that, you're gonna love this. (long pause) Spamton i- (long pause) SPA-"
2. It is every single piece of official DELTARUNE merch that can be purchased on the Fangamer site. (Note that this was before the Black Friday merch drop with the Jevil plush and the Chapter 2 vinyl.)
3. "It's all!"
- Big, small... it's all!!
- Everyone is here
- This is it
- All the ones
- ENJOY!
4. S 81193
EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF DELTARUNE MERCH
Sugg. Retail: Anywhere
NOTE: EVERY!!!!
Sudden cut to the logo shot with loud jazz music, featuring the winners:
FOOTBALL RING WINNER
- Lleev
ENGRAVED WRISTWATCH WINNER
- Joeruscio
GLASS CUBE WINNER
- mothpile
CUP WINNER
- Ob1iviousC1own
SNOWGLOBE WINNER
- Among Us
MERCH WINNER
- mmmminecraft
Cut to Spamton at his podium, with a decrease in camera quality.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
And we’ll be right back with more wild prizes!
Fade to black. Fade in intro shot with jazz music briefly. Fade back to black.
Fade into an musicless ident featuring Spamton B sitting on a chair with his mouth open, smiling. He is in a room with wood walls. He is in the corner, and a window is seen in the top right. A black telephone is seen in the bottom right, near the camera. The SVN gradient letters are seen in front of the phone. On the bottom left is the yellow text “DON’T TOUCH THAT REMOTE! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK!” There is an uncomfortably long pause on this screen.
SPAMTON B. SPAMTON
Don’t touch that yet. Don’t touch it.
He moistens his lips, and the camera fades to black.
A missing poster, similar to Baaulp’s from earlier, is then shown. Popular streamer and another member of Radio TV Solutions, wayneradiotv, is the missing person. He looks noticeably like Spamton A. The phone number has become “729-928-92921.” This shows for 3 seconds with some static, then disappears.
The white line from the Spamton Z. Spamton advert a while back appears again, albeit smaller. There is noticeable static. It opens again to make a small box, with a blank black background. Repeated gunshots are heard with small intervals between each shot. Spamton Z appears, but with dark black eyes and a blank expression. The chat bubble opens again, but no text appears. The gunshots happen much faster, then stop. The static ends as well. The chat bubble disappears, and the box closes back to a white line. Static resumes. The white line disappears.
Sudden cut to a new commercial. A 3D animated telephone appears, with a drawer on the front of the telephone stand. It opens to reveal stacks of one dollar bills. The handset cord of the phone extends to the left offscreen. Big red text on the top of the screen reads, “MONEY FREE!!” Below it, in white text, “JUST CALL - WE’LL DO THE REST.” On the bottom of the screen, red text reads: “1-800-FREEDOLLERS.” The track “A Real Boy!” from the DELTARUNE soundtrack plays during this ad. This ad only plays for a few seconds, then cuts to black.
Cut to a static shot of Spamton A zoomed in on his face. He is behind a blank brick wall, the light dim. His face is angled downward and he is looking at the camera, appearing menacing, smiling. He shifts, there is static, then he settles. The camera shakes slightly. Then, a sudden cut to Spamton in a different, leaning pose. He is still looking at the camera, but he now faces to his left and down. He has his finger pointed up, close to his face. The camera zooms in closer to his face, unstable, quickly. All this lasts for a few seconds, then a cut to black.
Blue text appears on screen, reading “UNSOLVED MIRACLES.” A blue line is below it. Mysterious music plays. After some time, extra yellow text appears below the blue line, reading “UP UP AND AWAY...” Then, a cut to a peculiar scene where Spamton B, in his mocap suit, is an image frozen in place above the ground, his figure sideways horizontally, looking up. He is in the stage with the brick wall in the background, the National Spamton flag on the right, and a black chair on the left. The camera moves down while angling upward to look at Spamton, to mimic an effect as if he were flying. After some seconds, vicious static appears, the music stops, and an eventual cut to black.
Fade into both Spamtons holding hands on the stage, arms stretched out stiff by their sides. Increase in camera quality. They begin to recite one final excerpt, with no music. Spamton B tries to follow along with Spamton A, but is obviously failing. Subtitles are as follows, but disappear after some time:
SINGALONG SUBTITLES BY JUSTIN-FX
THEY DID NOT PAY ME 2 DO THIS ONE
SO I DIDENT
Alternate subtitles will be provided:
I’LL DRESS IN THYNE FACE AND IN THYNE COSTUME
AND SMILE WHILE ODE TO YOUR GREATNESS I PROVE
I’LL LEND MY LIFEFORCE, I’LL GIVE ALL MY POWER
EVEN IF IN DOING, I DIE IN ONE HOUR
IT’S ALL FOR THIS MESSAGE, LISTEN FORTH TO MY PLEA
PLAY SPAMTON WARS NOW, FREE ON PIPIS 3
PLAY SPAMTON WARS NOW, FREE ON PIPIS 3
PL-
[Sudden pause. Zoom in. Both Spamtons look at each other. Both look back to the camera. Zoom out. Resume.]
SPAMTON, OF ALL MEN WHO EVER LIVED, YOU ARE THE BEST
MAY THE HYMN OF THE ANGEL SING THEE TO THY REST.
Closeup shot of Spamton A. Small pause. He whispers.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Please pay 4.99 now.
Return to full shot. Uncomfortable pause. Then, Spamton A pushes away Spamton B off screen, maintaining his gaze at the camera.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
And now, for our final prizes.
Brief pause. Closeup shot of Spamton A’s empty smile. The final prize block begins. Scroll text is as follows:
LIVE COMMENTS FROM OUR !! :: "ok so there was a big discussion earlier. someone said 'with the ball' some heard 'what the [$#&*]. sooooo.... we had to censor it for your ears. so so so sorry about that."
Yje jincas a,yp,e ca, tale tje
Prizes are as follows:
1. "SPAMTON ENGRAVED WEDDING RING! Over the years, I've given you countless.. blegh. [video and audio quality decrease] Now, it's your chance to be a big shot of your own and [quality increase] give one to me. I promise I will say yes if you are hot. Or have any other easily exploitable qualities."
2. It is a real diamond wedding ring. In the ring's interior, the words “YOU + SPAMTON” are engraved.
3. "Be a big shot"
- It's your chance!
- DO IT!!!
- Form a loving bond that will last a lifetime
- Absolute guarantee of trust & affection
- May worry or leave
4. S 80003
SPAMTON ENGRAVED WEDDING RING
Sugg. Retail: For life
NOTE: HOTS ONLY!!
Fade to black. Low camera quality. The information begins to glitch in and out of the screen, as well as the image of the prize on the podium. After Spamton says the prize’s name, camera quality returns to normal and all information is shown.
1. "And now, our PREMIERE ITEM, [Audio quality decrease.] our fre..(violent coughing) Don't put that in there... Hey Everybodyy! (coughing) Spa..sp..Spamton AAAASSS! [Spamton A and Spamton B are in front of the prize, shaking hands then hugging. Video quality increase.] SPAMTON AAAASSS! [Quality decrease.] YEEEEESSSS! SPAMTON YEEEESSSS! SPAMTON YEESSS! [Quality increase.] The one and only, SPAMTON BODY PILLOW! (lip smack) Don't you wanna cuddle me all night long, using my huge ass as a pillow? [Spamton A and Spamton B stop hugging, begin inspecting unknown dropped object.] ...Okay, I'm gonna.. I'm gonna say that again, and when I say it, eh, everyone in the audience say, 'Yeess!' Real loud, okay? Need the mics to hear you. Don't you wanna cuddle me all night long, using my HUGE ASS AS A PILLOW??? (inhale) YE- [quality decrease]"
2. This is a white body pillow. On one side, Spamton’s regular short sprite has been lengthened to where he has a very long body and legs; all other features retain the same proportions. On the backside, Spamton’s back-facing sprite has the same qualities as the front, although his sprite has been edited more to feature massive ass cheeks.
3. "More than a pillow"
- Huge ass
- Can be cuddled
- Won't smell for long
- Daily washing required
- If it begins to talk just let it be
4. S 89999
SPAMTON BODY PILLOW
Sugg. Retail: THE BEDROOM
NOTE: THINGS WILL GET TOASTY!!
Cut to Spamton A standing on the stage. He is facing down but looking at the camera menacingly. He is holding his left hand forward and flat, palm up.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
And here are our winners.
Long pause. The camera zooms out gradually, then zooms in to Spamton’s hand as the quality increases and the winners are shown inside his hand, with mysterious music:
WEDDING RING WINNER
- Arc
BODY PILLOW WINNER
- jomote
Quality decreases again. Music stops. Return to original camera view of Spamton. He blinks several times.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Well it’s time for more prizes.
Quality increases. Cut to an ident featuring Spamton B sitting on his chair as he did before in a previous ident with the phone, only he is happily eating beans from a bowl and laughing, his legs crossed on the chair. The track “Hotel” from the UNDERTALE soundtrack plays, and a ringing telephone is heard. Instead of the original text, new text is shown. Above:
CALL NOW
Below:
OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY!
DON’T WAIT - CALL NOW TO
WIN BIG!!!!!
This ident plays for several seconds, then the video cuts back to Spamton A on the stage. He is excited and as alert as ever.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
HEYYY ANY! Welcome back, to the Spamton Value Network! The only home of wild prizes, [Zoom in] and Spamton’s beautiful eyes. [Zoom out] Here tonight, we’ve got even MORE wild prizes in store for you, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! We might be on number fifty! I can’t count! Spamton... carbide... knife!
A printer noise is heard as Spamton presents the next item. An image of the Spamton carbide knife slowly appears as it is “printed” from left to right on the top left of the screen.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
[Uncertain tone] S- The Spamton carbide knife, is a wonderful knife, that will allow you to...
As the image becomes more visible, the carbide knife is seen to be a typical carbide knife but with a metal part of it modified to look like Spamton’s head. Suddenly, the image glitches.
UNKNOWN VOICE
Uh, hey guys... is this- is this on?
The image changes to a view of three people on a couch in a white room. These people are, in order from left to right: Reid Young, Dan Moore, and Charlie Verdin, key people from Fangamer. Young is wearing a red Hawaiian button-up shirt with black slacks. Moore is wearing a yellow polo shirt with beige cargo shorts. Verdin is wearing a more colorful Hawaiian button-up shirt, in addition to black slacks. Young continues to speak, addressing the viewer.
REID YOUNG
Uh, sorry, sorry it took so long for the stream, we just had some... technical difficulties.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
What stream? This is the stream. No no-
Whenever Spamton begins to speak, he is quickly interrupted by Young.
REID YOUNG
But, we got this report that someone’s been doing some kind of, like, really... creepy, fake broadcast?
The SVN logo appears in the bottom right of the screen.
REID YOUNG
Uh, just want to let you know, that’s not us. Uh, they’ve been selling bootleg merchandise, uh, some really nasty stuff.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
I talked to- Spamton hired me.
REID YOUNG
Carbide knives or something? Uh, i-it’s ridiculous.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
No, it’s just Spamton value items, it’s all-
REID YOUNG
Um, it’s okay, so, we got their information, uh, we’re taking some, you know, action, and once things go through, we’ll be able to put a real stream on for you guys, okay? So just, hold tight.
The video of the Young, Moore, and Verdin disappears. Spamton looks confused.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Uh... (nervous chuckling) so uh, for our next item, y’know, uh, Spamton sniper rifle! (pointing to wall, then looking) Can we get that up on the screen? Can we get that up on the screen?
An FBI (Fangamer Bureau of Intelligence) warning message appears on the screen, with a blue background and the seal of the FBI in the bottom left. The warning messages reads:
Digital video law provides severe civil and criminal penalties for the unauthorized reproduction, distribution, exhibition, malediction, prohibition and oral diction of copyrighted motion content and video tapes (Title 2 Fangamer LLC Code Section 592)
The Fangamer Bureau of Intelligence investigates allegations of criminal video crimes. You have been warned; cease all videographic activity. (Title 2 Fangamer Code Section 595)
This warning is on screen for a few moments then cuts back to a nervous and worried Spamton.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Uh, looks like we’re having a little issue, folks. Uh, (nervous laughter) yeah, nothing like a- nothing that a big shot like Spamton A. Spamton can’t fix, hahaha!
His name banner appears for a brief moment, then disappears. Soon after, the FBI warning message begins to appear and erase the background, with weird distorted sounds.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
So let’s just, uh, let’s just wait a second, and uh...
Spamton looks behind him, notices the warning’s appearance, and turns around, panicked.
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
Ohh, I’m not Spamton, I’m not Spamton, let me go! Please! Please! I swear this wasn’t my idea, I swear I’m not really Spamton, I’m just an impersonator-
The camera becomes filled with static. The warning then begins to erase Wayne.
WAYNERADIOTV
(frantically) -I’m just an actor, I was hired to- I was just gonna be a Spamton, I was just gonna be like- (looks at himself vanishing, runs offscreen) NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-
The camera cuts fully to the static. The recording ends.
Fade into a shot of an open sewer pipe, in fullscreen with no VHS effects. Wayne emerges from the sewer, panicked and breathing heavily. As he exits the sewer, tense chase music begins.
Cut to a different shot of Wayne running through another sewer. He looks up at the sky, and the blinding sun. The world around him is a generic field near some houses, but the color scheme has been modified to a pinkish-blue scheme.
As various shots of Wayne running are seen, various lines from the Ode to Spamton can be heard, in a slow, deep voice:
NOT A CIRCUS CLOWN, WHO’S MORE SICK THAN HE FUNNY
A LOVEABLE SALESMAN, WHO GIVE ME FREE MONEY
Cuts to various instances of Wayne clutching his head and writhing in pain. He runs and runs, until he finds a trash can. He immediately opens it and begins rummaging through it.
WAYNERADIOTV
WHERE IS IT?! WHERE IS IT?!
Cuts to various shots of Wayne in great pain, and then to the surrounding cable towers. He continues running, stopping for air once. The ode continues as this happens.
AND WHEN I HAVE GIVEN, WITH NO MORE TO GIVE
EVEN IF IN DOING, I DIE IN ONE HOUR
The phrase “DIE IN ONE HOUR” echoes as Wayne finds a telephone mounted to a wall. He takes out change from a pocket in a rush.
WAYNERADIOTV
(breathing heavily) Oh Spamton... Oh Spamton, please...
The tense music builds as Wayne inserts the change to the telephone and dials a number, picking up the phone and talking frantically to it.
WAYNERADIOTV
(desperately) Spamton! Spamton I don’t know what to do, Spamton! Spamton, please answer Spamton!
Cut to a red-tinted view, looking at Wayne from behind.
MAY THE HYMN OF THE ANGEL...
Cut back to Wayne. The music builds the tension.
WAYNERADIOTV
Spamton, please! Spamton, you gotta- (breathing heavily) Spamton! Spamton, please help, it’s moving, you gotta tell me what to do! You gotta tell me what to do-
Cut back to the red-tinted view, now rapidly approaching Wayne as he frantically pleads for help.
SING THEE TO THY REST...
Wayne turns around and screams, dropping the phone. The tense music ends. Camera cuts to the dropped phone in front of a white brick wall as it hangs and the dialtone drones on. The dialtone begins to increase in volume to a deafening level, then cut to black.
Special music from the Ode to Spamton plays. Fade into a dimly lit view of the Spamton Value Network stage as credits appear on the screen. Various shots of the dark and empty stage are shown as the credits continue.
“SPAMTON VALUE NETWORK”
A RADIO TV SOLUTIONS PRODUCTION
wayneradiotv
Spamton A. Spamton, editing, production direction
Jian Mei “Baaulp” Guan
Spamton B. Spamton, camera
socpens
creative direction, editing, graphics
Trent “Trog” West
executive producer, set design
Brandon “Kami” Ha
camera, assistance, best boy grip
mike stimpson
music, graphics, voiceover
Holly Hollowtones
voiceover, consultation
Cody “MasterGir” Littlefield
voiceover, CD commercial
logmore
album artwork, arts & crafts, morale
MIDNITE FACTORY
analog post-processing, editing
FANGAMER
Erika Sielski
Reid Young
Dan Moore
Charlie Verdin
TOBY FOX
Cut to one final shot of the whole set as the special music ends and the last dim lights turn off; first the one above the National Spamton, then above the logo, and lastly, hesitantly, the bright window in the far back.
Text fades in.
IN MEMORIAM
SPAMTON A. SPAMTON
“AN OBITUARY??? WHAT???”
- Spamton A. Spamton
Text fades out.
A Spamton voice line, “NOW’S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A BIG SHOT,” plays as the final text fades in.
THANK YOU!!
You are all BIG SHOTS!
Text fades out. The video ends.